So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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