I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
