I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
