she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
