I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
