Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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