At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
