i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
