I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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