i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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