I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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