Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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