One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
