We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Floor bacon is actually really good
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
God, I missed his penis.
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