dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
