Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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