he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
