What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Randomize
