i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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