i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
