Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
