was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
