Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize