Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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