Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
