I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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