I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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