Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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