I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize