You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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