oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
