this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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