38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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