Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
