My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
