Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
