Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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