All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
