Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
