I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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