I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Church boner. Awkwardddd
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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