I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
