is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
