I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
