I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
