omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
