I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
