you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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