Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
don't judge my taste in strippers
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
