How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
