rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
