if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Why are your pants in the freezer?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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