i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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