It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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