This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
