everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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