There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize