I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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