I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
