she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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