He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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