Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
