A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
