I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
