trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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