so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
