I'm pants shitting drunk right now
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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