HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
