Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
