I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
