I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
